Two Months Today

Well it’s been two months today since I had my gastric bypass done (8:30 am).

I feel like a new person, even caught myself saying to a coworker “when I was fat”…. I smiled and said “But I still am fat” but I feel different than from every diet I’ve ever done before. I have lost as of today 46 pounds. Parts of me feel it’s not enough, but when I rationalize and think for a minute about it, it’s damn good.

It was a rough start, the first two weeks were excruciating. My emotions were all over the place, I was unbelievably weak, fatigued and as ready as I was, I was not ready for the “not being hungry thing”, I had never not been hungry in my life. It was a very strange feeling. Protein shakes, soups pretty much made me want to throw up. I was really wondering what I had done to myself. I pretty much put my body in starvation mode and then because of that gained a couple of pounds (4 to be exact).

Getting out of the liquid phase, was a blessing for me. I made my purees, try to pack them with as much nutrients as possible and slowly my energy came back up and the pounds started dropping. I felt optimistic again and stopped regretting my decision.

Now I truly feel like my new life has started. My outlook on things is so much more positive, I have never been this focused on my goals, putting all my efforts to succeed.

What has changed from all the times before? Other than operation, is that I did a lot of work on myself before going through this. As I knew I was going to pay for it, I wanted to make sure that I stacked the deck in my favor. So lots and lots of work on my psyche, emotional health, stopped smoking, etc. I just wanted to make sure that I went into this adventure with the optimal conditions. I had read enough about the psychological effects of the bariatric surgery on people, I needed to get ready, not just physically.

All this rambling to basically pat myself on the back two months in…. and say that yes I am proud of myself !!!!

I touch myself

Yeah I knew that would get your attention 😉 I’m starting to feel bones. I’m sitting here reading a letter I keep touching my jawbone that I can actually feel without pushing my fingers in. I can feel my collar bones and I keep touching as if they were going to disappear again. If I push my fingers in a bit, I can feel my HIPS dang, I thought I didn’t have those things anymore…. OK I still have to push but I’m getting there. I went shopping this weekend, I needed a new bra, yes I went from a DD to a C cup, I’m loosing my boobies…. oh well! I knew it was coming! You know even though I have lost weight before time and time again, it’s always surprising the little things you forget, like the bones, or sleeping on your stomach is suddenly comfortable again, bending over to tie your shoes and coming back up you’re not out of breath… little things but oh how satisfying!

I’m still a little bummed that I don’t “suffer” from the dumping syndrome but I have realized that if I listen (and not always carefully, just paying attention) you’ll know exactly what you can and cannot eat. I know now that regular white pasta doesn’t really agree with me, digestion is a bit painful but when I eat brown rice pasta the digestion is a lot easier. I had dinner Friday, a bad one but one of my favorites in the old days, crackers and olives (I’m an olive freak). OK before was soda, chips & dips and olives, I’ve modified it for healthy crackers (full of proteins) and olives. Well it didn’t agree with me….. I think my days of having olives for dinner are over, I cross my fingers that one or two with a meal will still be ok but for now no more olives, but I had broccoli for the first time this weekend and yeah success… I can have broccoli again. I still have trouble believing that it’s actually me being excited to eat broccoli…. ahhhh how times change.

This morning I started my third week of working with a trainer. I think our honeymoon phase is over. How can I say this politely… I damned him to hell this morning LOL. He’s still a very sweet guy but damn he’s hard on me (yes I know that’s what I pay him for). And I did warn him that I would bitch and moan, but I would still do the exercises. I thought I was getting into a groove but he increased all my weights this morning, and now I’m sore everywhere. So I keep telling myself that it’s good pain much much better than having trouble going up and down the stairs because of joint pain from obesity but dang oh dang it’s hard!

Now, the other side, the darker one. Slowly losing friends. I was ready for it but still there’s always one who catches you off guard. I expected things to change as I am changing. People kept asking me how I was doing and for some answering fantastic makes them happy, they tell me I deserve it, that it’s my turn. Others though, aren’t so happy you’re doing well, so they slowly distance themselves from you. Except for one, I expected it and honestly I had already emotionally distanced myself, got ready. But that one friend, that I picked up, helped, been there for the worse and the best… I expected her to be there, but as soon as I said I’m doing great, keeping busy, that I was in a good place physically, emotionally, spirituality I stopped hearing from her, I must say I’m a little saddened by it but what can I do, I cannot force the friendship. If she cannot be there when things are going well, then I guess the friendship has run its course and I just have to mourn it and move on. It’s a little sad really, but not enough to derail me.

 

Feeling the lack of liquids

 

I’ve been having a hard time in the last week or so to get all my fluids in and I think I’m starting to feel the effects. I knew by my lack of urine and the color of it, but now my skin feels dry and I’m so sluggish it’s crazy. I’m sitting here at work pretty much falling asleep, having to get up just wake me up and keeping me from getting too cross-eyed. I have not been this tired since I don’t know when. In the first few weeks after the operation, my body felt drained of energy, taking my shower was exhausting. But now I just want to crawl under a rock and sleep,  I was able to do 60 minutes of cardio this morning though it was not easy (never is I hate cardio), I had plenty of energy but I just want to sleep.

I have managed to get my water intake back to 2 liters, thanks to MY4ME (and Vega Electrolyte Hydratror) but I think I’ll have to wait a bit for it to take effect.

Then again I could be wrong, but I decided to blame the water intake for the tiredness, the exhaustion, and the “blah feeling” I’m feeling right now!!!! and hopefully I’m right.

One Month Post-Op

Well I had my one-month post-op with the surgeon and nutritionist yesterday.

According to the surgeon, I doing very well. My healing is going well. He said that at this point the swelling of my stomach should be pretty much close to being gone. The pain I was feeling on Friday was quite normal, actually everybody feels it, it is muscular and should be gone in about a month. Thank god it’s not always as intense as it was last week, usually it’s just an annoyance! My vitals are good, pressure perfect…. At least he’s very happy with my progress and told me I was too hard on myself. I think that because I seriously breezed through the surgery, I tend to forget it was a major surgery!

The nutritionist on the other hand, had a whole lot more to say to me. As I am not losing weight, I am freaking out. So when I sat down with her, we had a lot to discuss. Well apparently, I doing everything wrong!!!! I drink to much close to my meals. I have to stop drinking half hour before eating up to half hour after eating, but I still have to drink my 2 liters of water a day…. I am apparently too focused on proteins to the detriment of other nutrients such as vegetables, fruits and grains. I seriously despise pureed vegetables, so she said I should include them in my pureed lentils, excellent idea. She has pushed back my “solid food” date to two weeks, until we find out why I’m not losing weight. Contrary to what I’ve learned online, nobody in this program has the 3-week stall!!!!

Talking about online, while talking to my surgeon, I was explain when and how I felt pain, and asked a question, because as much as I know when looking at a picture of the of the organs, which is which, I’m never quite sure where they are in my body, the exact “location”. So I was saying to him that I was trying to figure out what the pain I was feeling last week was, what organ was there and then I said something like “then I looked online” and he smirked and said “Ah yes! we have to deal with that now” I just started laughing because he’s so right, we look online and think we know…. 🙂

OUF!

Cooking class, now that was torture! All the smells, the colors of a plant-based diet, I must say it is quite colorful…. When I got there I was pretty sure I would leave before the end. I prepared a dish (a lentils, mushrooms and olives pâté), I did taste it, I wanted to be sure I would not poison anybody in the class…. OK I could’ve had the instructor taste it but come on I’m no saint….. so I did take a bite! Did my dishes, prepared my plate for presentation (rough prep but still), looked at what everybody was making and when everything started to wind down and people were starting to sit down getting ready to savor what had been prepared, I pretty much ran away, well tried at least. Some people knew I was getting surgery but not for what, others knew I would not be in class next week but didn’t know why. So I explained that I was getting gastric bypass and that I was on a preop liquid diet answered questions and then said my goodnight, “bon appétit” and pretty much ran out, to get to my car and have my last horrifying protein of the day LOL that thing is so horrible…..

This morning I had another bout of crying in the car, once again can’t explain why, one word in one song and there I go, lasts a couple of seconds and then it’s done. I SO do not understand myself these days and yes I’m putting it all on nerves. Only six days to go, I’m starting to really really get nervous. But at least I noticed that 7 days on a liquid diet has it’s benefits, I didn’t have to fight to do up my pants this morning YEAH!!!! I love those little victories that brings you closer to your major goal!

I have research this procedure so much, all aspects of it, physical, physiological, psychological….. I honestly don’t think I can be more ready and yet every time I think how close it is, I have this feeling of panic, hmmm maybe panic is too strong a word…. maybe dread?!?!?!?!?! But I must say I’m really looking forward for the surgery part of this journey to be over!!!!

Second week of preop preparations

Hello again!

Well I’m on week two of the liquid diet before the operation next week. I can’t really complain, I’m not hungry, my stomach aches have stopped, having been vegan for two years and not being forced to drinking whey protein, the first week was quite rough on my stomach but that has settle now. Though my emotions are the total opposite, whenever I mention that I have 8 days left to the operation either my eyes well up with tears or I start to giggle…. I truly feel like an emotional bipolar wreck. For no apparent reason, I will start to tear up or a big smile will appear on my face.

I did my last of volunteering at the animal shelter last Saturday, got good wishes from the few people who knew what I was doing (4 to be exact) and fell big time on my already horribly battered knees. I’m now limping around. Considered going to the hospital but what would they have done other than put me on anti inflammatory medication. A medication that I had to stop two weeks before the surgery…. quite useless, so I’m trying to “cure” myself with cold and hot compress. Already a bit better. All I keep thinking about after the surgery I have to walk….. Yeah that’s going to be pleasant!

So as I said the protein thing is going well, but my real test will be tonight, not last weekend when I went to Tim Hortons with a friend because I already do not eat donuts or chicken or cheese, so I didn’t care that she was eating. Tonight though is my cooking class, plant-based cooking class. Not a demo, but a hands-on cooking class, OUF….. I might have to leave before the end, if I realize I can’t keep myself from trying what we cooked. A part of me keeps thinking Well it’s good food, not a lot of fat, nothing processed, all natural but still food and since I’m not feeling hunger, maybe I shouldn’t tempt the devil!!!! Cross your fingers!

As for the emotional wreck part, let me try to explain, though it is quite hard to do as I don’t fully understand myself. When I made the decision to have weight loss surgery there was no question, no fear… just a knowledge that was the thing to do. When they confirmed the date, I literally freaked out, I got this rush of emotions like never before I felt unsure as I cannot imagine my future post-op, I know my life change but how exactly I cannot imagine. And I felt a bit saddened by all I had stopped myself from doing and the hurt I had imposed on myself because I was fat, I felt the pain for the time in my life. Now it’s not as “hectic” but the wreckage is still quite present, though more manageable. Of course now we have the nerves joining the emotions, I am starting to be nervous about the operation, which I think is quite normal.